On A Real-Life Difficulty of Being Vegan

I used to complain--a lot--to my husband about living in South Florida. I felt a kinship with almost no one, I was a freak to all, and the closest vegan restaurant is 70 miles away. I wanted to move back to New York, or perhaps to San Francisco or even Chicago (where he's from). Maybe even Asheville. All I know is I wanted to feel like my community had a clue and was doing something other than holding events for $500/ticket where $200 goes to the cause, filet mignon is served, few people eat it (because they might gain weight), and it is promptly tossed into the garbage.

Interestingly, now that my husband has got a clue of his own and has stopped eating animals (and even replaced his shoes with NOHARMs), he is feeling a bit of longing. He'd like to be able to walk into a restaurant (he dines with clients a lot, and eats out for at least one meal each day) and order something other than a plate of carbs of some sort--that he actually finds tasty. Going out on weekends isn't interesting to him at all anymore, as there are a few places we go to all the time because they're the only ones with good vegan dishes, and he doesn't have a high tolerance for food repetition.

I, on the other hand, can eat the same thing every day and not have any problem with that.

Though one could most certainly have worse problems, this is an extrovert who grew up white and privileged and never feeling like he didn't want to go to a restaurant. And now he doesn't dread it, but he doesn't enjoy it or look forward to the experience as he's anticipating bad food that he might have to send back (we recently discovered that at the places where we would order pasta with a marinara sauce the pasta, it is made on the premises--with eggs. So we can't even eat pasta when we go out. Or we find out that the vegetarian lettuce wraps, made with wild mushrooms and not a hint of any animals around, are sauteed in some kind of oyster sauce--and they're the non-meat option!).

When people say that veganism is easy, I can't help but think: It's easy for you. Try having to go out to lunch and/or dinner with clients every day in a snooty town that has not one vegan restaurant (oh, and neither one of us enjoys Indian food). Whether or not it's easy to be a vegan largely depends on where you live and how you've set up your life. If we lived in Manhattan I wouldn't be writing this.

Being vegan is easy for me because I have near-total control over my environment. I buy and prepare the food I want to eat, I'm rarely at the mercy of anyone else's restaurant choice, and when I am I might eat before I go and have a fabulous glass of wine and call it a day (or night).

But not everyone has the luxury of living the way I do, and I think we have to acknowledge that and say there are myriad factors involved in whether going or being vegan is easy (like, is your partner or parent/s vegan; where do you live; what is your work situation like; is your community friendly to the idea).

Comments

[Elaine Vigneault]

This is why I think there is room and need for a nonprofit designed entirely to fund vegan restaurants, cafes, food carts, and other food stores. It could be a network of investors and donors loaning and granting money to create vegan restaurants in places where vegans are not currently served. It would work as both activism to teach nonvegans about veganism and as vegan-support to provide vegans in rural and less dense cities vegan options.

[Bea Elliott]

I'm in Central Florida with many (if not more) of the same issues. The closest resturant I have that is vegetarian/vegan is "Crispers"..... So happy my husband is a non-meat eater and that we have a good relationship. We're happy to dine home most of the time..... Don't know what I'd do in the case of entertaining clients.... Peanutbutter sandwiches in a park maybe???

The happy news is: it will get better! :)

[Patty]

It may just be semantics, but I tell people it is easy to be vegan...not always convenient, but it is easy to live true to one's beliefs. I say this because I want people to abandon the thought that veganism is about denial. (Of course my words may ring hollow to some as I live in LA where there are many very good vegan restaurants and mainstream restaurants with vegan options.)

[Wes Allen]

I, much like your husband have to dine with clients, colleagues and the un-educated masses. In my experience, being vegan in such settings has made me realize that this is the best position to be in to make it better for myself and all vegans that come after me.

Most every restaurant I have dined in has no explicit vegan option, but, with a few questions and instructions / changes I am able to make many menu choices vegan. Many of the restaurants my colleagues and I eat in each day have come to know me and my choices through discussions had prior to ordering. Several of these places have even started adding vegan / vegetarian options to their menu. In my experiences even people who have not made the same conclusion we have, respect our view and will put forth an effort to make it easier.

There are two different Mexican restaurants I dine in regularly and because of influence on them they have added vegan options to the menu. Even in Germany I was able to shine light on what veganism was and what it stands for. Every restaurant in Germany was more than willing to make a meal the way I asked for it and even in one situation, another vegan option was handwritten into the menus as I sat there at the table.

The company I work for held its annual Christmas party in a restaurant that absolutely NO vegan choices on the menu or even choices that appeared to be adaptable; but when I discussed my veganism with the waitress, she promptly explained the options they had that were not on the menu that were very suitable. In this situation because of my discussion with the waitress, the head chef of the restaurant came to the table to make sure he understood all of what I was requesting and even explained their cooking methods so I could make a more informed decision. All in all this turned into a very pleasant dining experience.

It has been my experience that because of my dedication to our effort, my colleagues have started to take notice and even slowly make more ethical choices; if not vegan then at least vegetarian. Although vegetarian seems a little hypocritical, it is a very good start for people that have never even thought this way before.

Because of my wife's encouragement, as you put it; "I got a clue" to veganism and have taken steps to encourage others. One thing that helps in regards to restaurants is that they work for you while you are there and the only reason they have a menu is to make it easier for the masses to make quick decisions on meals. Almost every restaurant is equipped to make a meal any way upon request. And from these requests many of them have added options for vegans / vegetarians. If my wife and I have been able to make these types of changes just from visiting these restaurants, just imagine what we could do if we all started writing letters the corporate offices of many chain restaurants.

In conclusion, while being vegan in an area not so friendly to veganism may not be convenient and quickly understood, it can be accomplished and is perhaps more influential than blending in with those that already understand and have made the decision to go vegan. I know that we all want to be around those that are more like us, but in the end the goal is to end animal suffering and we cannot do that by showing each other. We have to lead by example, those that are on the fence now and by gaining their support we will gradually make a difference in the world.

[Mary Martin]

So much to say, so little time.

Elaine: I agree wholeheartedly. One of my goals is to start a foundation that does exactly that.

Bea: It will get better for him. He's a newbie and not exactly in an environment that supports differences. But as he gets more confident in his "pitch," I'm sure he'll start to enjoy himself more.

Patty: Good point. The mental decision for him is easy. But it's negotiating around in a meat-eating world that's difficult AND inconvenient for him, probably because it's new.

Wes: All good points, and we do much of what you say when we go out together. Part of the issue is I'm the vegan-provider. I shop, cook, prepare lunches, etc... And when we go out, I do most of the vegan talking (imagine that!). He's discovering who he is as an advocate, I think, and trying on different ways of presenting what he believes and what he wants. His upbringing didn't at all encourage being outside the box, and the behavior is so alien to him. I was born outside the box and he'll never do things the way I do them (thank heavens!). I guess he's just having a tough time finding his own style.

[Dan]

I don't have more than a couple of minutes to write now, but I'll just quickly say that I live on the border of a major international ski resort and "ranch and rodeo country" in the middle of Colorado. It is NOT vegan-friendly here by ANY stretch of the imagination. Further, I’m a CPA firm audit partner and go to meat-only restaurants (because that’s all there is in many locations) with clients and employees regularly and sometimes must order things like salad (iceberg lettuce with oil and vinegar) and French fries and call it a lunch.

My wife is trained as a chef, so I eat very well at home. But I was also accustomed to “fine” dining at restaurants prior to going vegan 5 years ago, and have lost all interest in such restaurant dining unless it’s Watercourse Foods in Denver where everything on the menu can be veganized. But that’s well over 100 miles from where I live.

The point is, I lack interest in eating animal products; therefore, I don’t miss “fine” dining at all. Even when I must cook for myself, I find veganism very easy. Perhaps my disgust with animal products overwhelmed and overwhelms every other desire to such a great extent that becoming and being vegan was and is a stroll in the park in a spring day.

While I’d prefer to work in a more like-minded area of the country, I settled here long before going vegan, and I intend to make the best of it for the several more years that I’ll likely live here in one of the least vegan-friendly places there are.

[Dan]

One more thing: I was also raised very conservatively. My style of advocacy is just to be relaxed and honest about what I think. I already discussed that a few days ago here, so I won't repeat it now.