On Vegan Grenades

You know those jokes that you get a minute later that are referred to as joke grenades? Well, I think the grenade metaphor also applies to conversion to veganism. There is often lag time between the critical mass event and its accompanying decision to go vegan--and the the actual doing: being a vegan. There's intention, then the becoming, then the vegan.

I don't personally know anyone who read a book or a pamphlet one day, became a vegan the next, and is still a vegan. I do know people who became vegan (also after watching "Earthlings") who are now vegetarians, pescetarians and run-of-the-mill omnivores.

What does this mean? Just that we humans can know one thing to our core, we can believe it entirely, and yet, we can do what basically is the opposite. Exhibit A: Mary Martin, PhD--Animal Person. Remember how I went vegan overnight in the 80s and then in 1998 ate filet mignon and salmon for almost two full years? Exhibit B: My animal-eating husband, who about six years ago said: "Trust me, I feel the same way you do about animals, but I need to do this on my time. If you push me, I'll be doing it because you want me to do it not because I'm ready." And four long years later he said: "The only reason I still eat animals is because you keep buying them and cooking them for me."

That was some very lengthy lag time. But he did it, seemingly overnight, but it really took years.

What happened in those years? Not one book, that's for sure (he reads about golf, history or the economy). Not even my abysmal brochure that I would do completely differently (I'd probably leave out the entire first page) if I had the inclination. And not even Earthlings.

He did see "The Witness" and a version of "Peaceable Kingdom: The Journey Home" just prior to the final cut however, and both reinforced his direction. And, most important, he has me. I'm no prize to be married to, but I do shop and cook and bake and forward links from The Discerning Brute. We go to dinner and events and he sees how I handle people's endless queries or even hostility to the way we live. We role play with questions or comments he gets at work. In short, though I'm just one person, I'm probably the most important person in his life and I support him.

And I don't judge him. Someone who goes from vegan to vegetarian to eating cows isn't really in a position to judge anyone.

My mother and sister have also had similar paths (to my husband) and have cut animals out of their dining habits almost completely. And shockingly, my dad intends to, but his wife is adamantly against the idea and is making it difficult for him to live by his newfound beliefs.

In short, just because you know that something is right doesn't mean you're going to behave accordingly. If it were so obvious that it can be easy and convenient and affordable to go vegan, we wouldn't have to constantly be showing people how easy and convenient and affordable it is to go vegan. Most people have had decades of indoctrination (that they haven't ever noticed) into a culture that assumes myriad uses of sentient nonhumans, not to mention our god-given right to do with them as we please. And then there's all that twaddle about it being "natural," which clearly isn't getting the deconstruction it's begging for as it's easily dismissed once you think it through.

When you've been vegan for a while, I'd say it becomes second nature, but really it's like becoming who you should be and are most comfortable being. But if you're like most people, that feeling didn't come easily (despite that you can't imagine feeling any other way now).

Vegan education, in my experience, is a multi-pronged, multi-year effort if it's going to be sustainable. You're not helping someone change their diet, you're helping them deprogram themselves of misconceptions and hypocrisy, and everyone has their own timeline and their own unique basket of objections and obstacles to sort out. The trick is to listen and hear what their issues are and guide them to responses to those issues rather than tell them what you want them to hear, and do it in the way they'd be most receptive to--according to the way they best learn.

And if you persevere, and their intentions are indeed to stop using animals, it'll happen. Maybe more like a grenade than a shot, but it it'll happen.

Comments

[Neva]

Mary, I'm glad you're talking about all of this. I think that sometimes in discussions with vegans I get the impression that there is an idea of "arriving." That's sort of like "I saw Earthlings last night, I'm vegan today, that's all I need to know." But as you say, many people take a longer, winding path to veganism (I did), and even for people who jumped right in with both feet, veganism is still a process, not the finish line.

It is human nature to become used to things. Video of animal cruelty doesn't affect me in the same way today that it did 16 years ago. I know it exists, I live with it, it's not as large a shock. A friend of mine told me he knew it was time for him to stop working for an AR group when he was going through terrible photos of vivisection and saying "this is the best one for our campaign."

And it's not just getting used to things like that. We need to keep asking ourselves why we're vegan, what it means to us, why it's important, and where we go from here. Most vegans I know say "I could never go back," yet all the people all around us who were so dedicated but are now buying burgers shows that people can and do go back. A belief that is merely accepted without question fades--we need to allow ourselves to question, to expand our knowledge, to accept that we don't know everything and can learn and understand more. Because if we don't challenge ourselves to this understanding, then one morning we might wake up and forget why we were doing this in the first place.

I'm probably saying this wrong--what I'm trying to express is so complex. But I don't believe in perfect people, so when I look at myself, and at my own history, I know I'm capable of being cruel, I know I'm capable of being ignorant, of making mistakes, of backsliding... So knowing those things I have to ask myself every day why it's important not to be cruel, and why I bother being vegan. If I believe that I've already reached some pinnacle of enlightenment, then there's nowhere to go but down.

[Nick]

I couldn't agree more. It's frustrating that veganism is a difficult commitment for many people to make, but we should be patient since they have had years of indoctrination. It would be impossible to convince any of my friends or family to go vegan right now. The best I can do is to show them how I live, and to be a constant reminder that animal exploitation is by no means necessary.

[John]

I think it was around the late 90's when I read the book Sue Coe's "Dead Meat." The well written documentation of what the author saw and experienced was enough to send my mind reeling. There weren't any graphic photos, just sketches of what she saw. I didn't know much about veganism and what I did know I perceived it as ultra extremist at the time. So becoming vegetarian was the route I took(little did I know the hypocrisy in that). I didn't last long, 6 months maybe. I eventually "gave in" since not having the cooperation of my spouse(ex-now) at that time became somewhat of a difficult way to live by...or was it the bacon? I would still hear Morrissey's Meat Is Murder playing in my head knowing that what I was doing was wrong and at the same time trying to justify that eating animals is just a way of life that has to be accepted.

Fast forward to 2007 and I don't know if it was any one thing that triggered it but I decided one day that that was it, I'm going to become a vegan. This is what I believe in, this is who I am. With or without the cooperation of my wife this is the life I will live. It really wasn't that gradual for me and with some and sometimes still a little discontent from my wife it was a rather easy transition. Sure the constant label reading at the market annoyed her at first but she soon found herself doing the same thing. To this day though I'm not sure we're both on the same page. She seems to lean more towards the health aspect of a vegan diet where as with me it's the ethical(as it should be) side that draws me in with the health benefits as a secondary perk. I don't expect her to dump out all her leather shoes but it's great when I do see her doing her best to not buy new ones.

Sometimes as vegans we expect people to make the switch overnight because we easily see the obvious without a question of doubt and can't understand why they don't but we too must reflect back on how we came about in choosing the life in which we now lead.

[Eric]

You know me! I realize I'm an exception, having gone vegan in the course of an afternoon and sticking with it for over 7 years now (maybe I got the nuclear option instead of a grenade?).

I have to admit that I can't *think* of anyone else I know that went vegan that fast (much less the day after a seminal moment) and stayed with it for the long haul.

I wonder how much preconceived notions have to do with it, as alluded to in other comments. I learned about veganism at the same time decided to become vegan, so I didn't have any biases (also, I wasn't predisposed to care whether anyone would judge me for deciding to be different).

So many variables...

[All Means Justifiable]

I respect the author very (very) much, but I have to say that writing "everyone has their own timeline" is a sentence I personally don't like to hear. Because even if it is true (in a way), its grounds are immoral.

[Bea Elliott]

I too have profound admiration for the author.

And there is (some)truth that everyone has a timeline, but the monumental hurdle is, that this "timeline" for most, includes even the "knowing" or learning of issues regarding animals.

I can identify with the process of thinking things through... and questioning everything along the way. People change and grow... I appreciate that. But my experience has been that there is a huge avoidance for most to even initiate a first step towards "enlightenment". I understand completely that it is a journey --- but regarding animal rights, most even refuse to "leave home".

A common reaction to any discussion, (especially regarding leaving others off our plates), is the knee-jerk response; palms clapped to ears in deliberate avoidance: "I don't want to know".

Yes... these people even have a "timeline" for hearing (any of) the message.

The message that enslaving, raping, torturing, and murdering innocent beings... is wrong... And that it is needless... and that animals feel pain... And also, "pretty please... won't you just try a vegan cupcake?" and "Sure, we can talk about "this" some other time"... "no problem".

The thing is that for most, a "timeline" doesn't even exist. The initial thought (or desire to question) isn't even there. And with the cultural silencing... and uber-tolerant vegan social skills, and "friends" who (knowingly) eat violated friends; When does our "patience" become complicity?

[Kristen]

I can and can’t say I became vegan overnight. I can because I read the book “Skinny Bitch” in one night (literally) and the next morning cleaned out my kitchen went to whole foods and bought everything without animal products. It was like a light bulb went off and I had a duh moment. It was just so completely obvious to me to stop eating animals.

I can’t because even to this day I am still learning and transitioning things in my home that were previously bought that are made out of leather, wool, etc. Being vegan is a lifelong journey, and I feel that with any knowledge acquired our “learning” never ends. With each blog or book or movie I watch I learn new things.

Because I became vegan overnight it is really really hard for me to see people who just don’t get it; especially family members who love animals. It is really hard for me to respect the fact that even with information they continue to go down “the wrong path”. I find it a lot harder for myself to talk to family members because, to me, it wasn’t brain surgery to realize that what I was doing was wrong, so why can’t they. Maybe those who have had to take longer with their transitions are able to guide others in a more peaceful manner. I do find that I have to step off of my soap box all the time. I write everything out on a blog so those who choose to read it will learn on their own time.

I just wish that my parents adopted the lifestyle, especially for health reasons, because heart disease and cancer are high in my family and I don’t want to look back and think I should have done more – I should have pushed more…why didn’t I…