Nine years in her service and no regrets about her care or my decisions.

If you’re a Facebook friend, you know what happened and when, and how eerie some of it was. You see, On October 15, the day before the second anniversary of the tragic death of Charles Hobson Booger, III, Violet fell on the tile. There were trails of yoga mats for her, and I didn’t see what happened. I only heard Sky screaming. She was very upset that Violet was spinning around the floor trying to get up, obviously in agony. The following day–the anniversary–Violet spent at the vet. They were trying to get her comfortable. She tweaked her back, and if she was six, like Charles was when he did the same thing, we’d have done the surgery. But at 45 days from her 13th birthday, that wasn’t a good idea. Besides, it didn’t even help Charles that much.

Treatment options were limited due to Violet’s diabetes, as some neuro drugs make diabetes go haywire. There were two options, so we tried the first medication. And here’s eerie part numero due: Violet started behaving just like Charles did two years ago, when he had a reaction to tramadol. The vet thought he was just in pain, despite my insistence that something wasn’t right. He told me to more than double the tramadol dose. It was too late for Charles, by the time he got to the vet, although he fought for the entire day.

As soon as I saw the same behavior in Violet, I rushed her to the vet, who was able to reverse the effects of the drug she had a reaction to (not tramadol). We tried the other option that would make her comfortable (maybe), but it didn’t work. After a harrowing day at the vet, and a just as harrowing evening at home, she calmed down by morning. But I had to tackle her to get her to lie down. I actually wrestled her to the ground and it was just about the worst minute of my life.

There weren’t any options left. She was in pain, unable to lie down or get up without assistance (and she was hostile to assistance), and she could hardly walk. And she wouldn’t eat, which meant she couldn’t get her full dose of insulin and her diabetes was about to become un-regulated.

A friend came to pick up Sky for the day, and I spent the day lying next to Violet, stroking her nose and paws, telling her how grateful I was for our time together. I had lavendar and cedar wood candles burning, and beautiful music playing throughout the house. Her final hours were peaceful.

The vet came at about 4pm, administered her injections, wrapped her in a blanket, and took her away. Forever.

I spent much of 2012 saying goodbye to my girl. Her final six months weren’t easy for her, but they also weren’t dreadful, until that last few days. If she hadn’t fallen, she might even have made it to her 13th birthday. But I don’t think much about that. I focus on what we did have and how honored I feel to have been able to know her. She wasn’t a cuddly creature. She never snuggled. But in her own way, she demonstrated that she felt loved. And even happy, sometimes.

Violet didn’t have an easy life: not as a champion racer, and not as a retiree. My mission was always to create a safe, comfortable, loving environment for her, where she would never be forced to do anything. She wouldn’t have to race for anyone, she wouldn’t have to be a perfect “pet,” she would never have anyone try to “break” her any further, and she would have the space to just . . . be.

Goodbye, my love.

Goodbye, Violet Rays.

As a result of my education by experts, I have important support for many conclusions I’ve come to merely by experience. I’ll stick my toe back into the bloggy waters with some guidance for those helping others to consider going vegan or in their transitions to going vegan, inspired by (or directly from) “Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard,” by Chip & Dan Heath (Broadway 2010). At no point do the brothers Heath mention veganism, though they do discuss social change. Please note that I was not involved in the writing of their book. Also note that I won’t be writing about whether lifestyle change is the solution, as opposed to a dismantling of the system that creates/necessitates exploitation and oppression.

• We’ve had this discussion many times, but the jury really is in, and when someone makes a change, it is rarely motivated by logic or statistics or ironclad arguments. The idea that a change should be made might come from logic, but the motivation to do something about what you know to be true is an emotional one. You must feel compelled to do something. To that end, watching a video or looking at photos that are graphic (within reason), and preferably that focus on individuals, stirs up the emotion needed to motivate. “Trying to fight inertia and indifference with analytical arguments is like tossing a fire extinguisher to someone who’s drowning. The solution doesn’t match the problem” (107). “The sequence of change is not ANALYZE-THINK-CHANGE, but rather SEE-FEEL-CHANGE (106).”
• That’s not the end of the story though, because if you’re up against a culture that doesn’t support your change, or worse, a personal environment that doesn’t support your change, you’re in for a real struggle.
• And speaking of struggles, failure is part of change. This is where I have a problem with the vegan police. People stumble. I’m an ex-, ex-vegan, and I’ve had people tell me I “was never a vegan in the first place” if I could stumble like that. It doesn’t help people warm up to the idea of change if they know that they’re going to be watched and ridiculed when they make a mistake. Or for the amount of time their change takes, which brings me to . . .
• Just because my husband went vegan overnight and has yet to even ponder going back, doesn’t mean everyone can do that or should be required to. When you break it down, it wasn’t overnight at all. He lived with a vegan. I didn’t pressure him, and after more than a handful of years of marriage, he one day said, “The only reason I keep eating animals is because you keep buying them and cooking them for me.” Let’s hear it, people: “A vegan wouldn’t do that–Mary Martin isn’t a vegan because she bought and cooked dead animals.” But back to my story. I responded, “I’m feeling generous today, and I’m willing to forget you said that. But if you don’t want me to, you’re life changes, tomorrow, in a big way.” And he went for it. But he had years of grooming. He was primed with stories, stats, pictures, some video. Watching me be healthy and fit and have boundless energy. He did it when he was ready. And when he was ready, he had a live-in chef who would make his transition, including eating out and traveling and clothing, as easy as it could be. Which now brings me to . . .
• You have to make it easy; you have to “Shape the Path” for people. If that means shopping for them or with them, cooking for them or with them, sending them links to information on circuses or zoos . . . or shoes . . . that’s what you do. And when they do things on their own–even little things–you praise them. All of this might sound silly, but the people I’ve personally helped go vegan were the beneficiaries of this kind support, and they’re all still vegans. This doesn’t mean Meatless Mondays should be applauded, but Vegan Tuesdays should.
• “Shrink the Change” is related, in that the more of a head start you can help provide people with, the shorter their journey is–the less they have to change. Vegan Tuesdays. Pointing out things they already do (they don’t go to the circus or the zoo or polo, and they think that drinking the milk of a cow is disgusting) helps them see that they aren’t starting from scratch.
• “Appeal to identity.” This is where we have a problem, as we aren’t rallied around one identity. I don’t mean to suggest that we should all agree on issues such as: capitalism, violence (including its definition), strategy, what to feed cats and dogs, or whether cooked food is the devil. Oh, and welfare reform. Yeah, that. I would like us to be known as the people who stand for justice for animals, humans, and the planet. Sure we might love animals, but love of animals isn’t the point and it’s not what motivates us necessarily. We are the people who say: Why kill someone when you don’t have to? We are the people who care about global hunger and climate change and have a real solution on the individual level, and we’re happy to support you if you care about those things and you’re moved to change your lifestyle. But that’s me. And in the population of people who self-identify as vegans, I’m pretty sure there are some who would draft a different identity.
• Finally, what often looks like a people problem is often a situation problem. I experienced this when I fell off the vegan wagon. I did it because it was easy. I was living on Palm Beach and I didn’t know one vegan. I was surrounded by filet mignon-eating, martini-drinking, trust fund beneficiaries (lovely people, by the way), I was in the midst of a lucrative career and did a lot of charity work, and it was easier for me to not be a vegan than to be a vegan. I even started drinking alcohol for the first time. Martinis, of course (gin!). Meanwhile, if I was living back in Manhattan, I’m certain things would have been different. The culture is different, the environment is different, the support is different (as in, it exists). I simply took the path of least resistance, where thinking about what to order or where to buy gorgeous shoes became something that took 30 seconds rather than 30 minutes. (Remember SITUATIONS MATTER?)

I recommend SWITCH, for its entertaining stories of human ridiculousness, as well as for its real-world advice for people wanting to create–and sustain–change in others.

The only problem with that, as you find when you really do pay attention, is that  . . . wait for it . . . situations matter. Context matters. I know a lot of people who have a difficult time with this notion because they like to think of their innermost self, whatever that is, as fixed. But like intelligence and creativity, who you are is malleable. Your personality is malleable. Your character is malleable. You might do things you don’t think you’d do depending on the situation: depending on what’s around, who is around and even who isn’t around.

“The real moral of this book, however, is that recognizing the power of situations gives us a leg up in a range of endeavors” (43).

People often ask me: “As a vegan or someone who doesn’t want to eat animals any longer, what do I say at Thanksgiving?” And my answer to that, and similar what-do-I-say and what-do-I-do questions, is always: “That depends.” I have to know who’s there, what the relationships are, what’s the history about the location or past holidays. There’s so much that informs and influences what every person in the room says and does that you need as much information as possible in order to say/do the most effective thing. Know your audience, you’re a salesperson.

If we know anything, though, we know that people hardly know themselves, and that makes Know Your Audience a bit of a tall order. What you can know is (your interpretation of) what has occurred and what has been said in the past. Just remember that what you think you know based on what you have seen is never, ever the whole story. It doesn’t tell you what someone “is capable of” (45). The obvious example, which Sommers uses, is the serial killer whose neighbors would never have guessed. They thought they knew him and he’d never be capable of that. Or Bernie Madoff, ripping of his own community. Or beloved nonprofit executives who misuse donor funds.

Let’s turn that around, though. I think about all of the discussions on Facebook around a photo of a hunter. Any hunter. Pick one. There are often hateful comment threads about how despicable these people are. Almost as despicable as people who slaughter animals. The commenters behave as if they know who the people in the photos are and have the capacity to be from one snapshot of a moment in their lives. But I have two words for you. Howard Lyman. And two more: Harold Brown. Contrary to conventional wisdom, people change. All the time. Therefore, to treat anyone–or let’s say most people (there are some sadists out there)–as if there’s no hope and we should not only not try, but we should publicly vilify them, is short-sighted.

This is not about loving the abuser, in case your mind was going in that direction; it’s about giving people a chance to change and about acknowledging that drawing conclusions about someone based on a moment of their lives might not be a good idea.

Reading Sommers makes you face the fact (statistical, that is), that there are situations in which you just might not help someone who needs help. You don’t think that would ever happen, but if you just arrived to a crowd of people, none of whom were helping someone who might need help, you just might not help either for a variety of reasons. The people around you have a dramatic effect on how you think and act (86).

I think we all realize the impact culture, gender and race have on what we think and say and do (and Sommers devotes a chapter to each). But there are other, more subtle factors that influence how and what we think and what we do and why we do it.

This is a fun, easy read, and an eye opener as well. If you liked Sway, by Ori and Rom Brafman, you’ll love SITUATIONS MATTER.

When we speak of reasons people use/eat animals when they know–and have even witnessed–the profound suffering involved, we often talk about tradition, culture and habit. I have written much about culture (The Other C Word) and tradition, but I’ve never delved into habit, despite my better-than-average knowledge of it. But ever since Hal Herzog, I haven’t been able to get past the knowledge that, for the most part, it’s not that people need to be educated about where their meals come from, although I will make an exception for milk and eggs, and many people are legitimately ignorant about the injustices and cruelty of those industries. It’s not that most people don’t want to decrease the harm they cause, and it’s certainly not the case that most people intend to do harm. We often talk about making connections, including those between the way we treat other animals and the way women or people of color were once (once?) treated. But I’m not sure not “making the connection” is the problem, either.

Once a person has a belief that killing when you don’t need to isn’t right, the problem could very well be one of habit. Our brains are wired for the path of least resistance. They want to do as little extra work as possible. And once a habit is formed, the brain isn’t really working because the behavior is automatic. When people try to use their willpower to cease eating animals, that can take them only so far. Willpower isn’t enough as it requires the brain to work, and if there’s more going on that attempting to cease eating animals, and when something happens that knocks the status quo out of whack, the brain simply gets exhausted and the old behavior returns. What’s important to understand for anyone trying to change a habit is that willpower isn’t enough; there’s more going on. Willpower is like a muscle (137), and the harder it works the more tired and less powerful it becomes. This, apparently, is when bacon re-enters the picture.

Our parents decided what we would eat and how much we would reflect upon what/whom we ate. We continued doing what we were taught/shown and we stopped making a choice. The behavior of eating and otherwise using animals, in addition to whether we thought about what we were doing at all, became automatic. “It’s a natural consequence of our neurology. And by understanding how it happens, you can rebuild those patterns in whichever way you choose” (xvii).

The takeaway here has less to do with Duhigg’s actual process for changing habits than it does that eating animals is a habit. Habits create neurological cravings that we then satisfy and are rewarded for. SUBLIMINAL and other books show us that we don’t really know why we do what we do. But in some way it doesn’t matter why we do it, it matters that we do it and that it needs to change.

Duhigg provides stories that demonstrate each of his principles, and because this is already long I’ll just get to those principles.

• For some habits, and eating animals could be one of them, belief is an important ingredient to replacing them with different/better habits. That belief doesn’t have to be in a god, but in the idea that you have the capacity to change.
• “Keystone habits” are ones that are influential enough to shake up and change other habits once they are changed. If you identify your keystone habits and change them, it’s easier to change other habits.
• You have to have a plan, and that plan has to account for “inflection points.” I have two words for you: Thanksgiving dinner (if you are a vegan in a family of omnivores or wanting to go vegan). You know the trigger times and situations that will be difficult when you’re wanting to go vegan. And as they say, failure to plan is a plan for failure. You’ve got to have a plan for how to deal with these times, and even write a script for yourself (any longtime vegan will tell you how these conversations go . . . don’t reinvent the wheel).
• Speaking of reinventing the wheel, the support of individuals and a community are instrumental in success. I love the idea of Vegan Buddies. So much so that I am one.

• The secret to changing the American diet is familiarity (205). Here’s where plant-based “meat” and cheese products come into play. Those who say that we shouldn’t want to reproduce the taste or texture of animal products do veganism a disservice. The average person needs to transition, and that transition will likely include veganized versions of their favorite meals and there’s nothing wrong with that. The goal is to get people to stop using animals, not to reach some pure, philosophical vegan ideal.

Finally . . . “Movements don’t emerge because everyone suddenly decides to face the same direction at once. They rely on social patterns that begin as the habits of friendship, grow through the habits of communities, and are sustained by new habits that change participants’ sense of self” (244).

———–

Please note that I did not ghostwrite or edit any of the books I have posted about on Animal Person.

There’s much of interest to anyone whose work/life has to do with figuring out why people do what they do, say what they say and believe what they believe. If you’re current on research on the brain you know that the unconscious plays a major part in who we are. It’s the warehouse of visual, auditory and kinesthetic data collected over your entire life. What we are aware of consciously is a minuscule percentage of what’s actually in our mind, but since we’re wired for evolution and not for accuracy, what our conscious mind does is just fine. It’s when you step out of what’s best for evolution that things get tricky. And we step out of that area frequently and think that we’re doing just fine there too, but the fact is that the way we think is anything but rational or logical. What we perceive and what is “real” can be vastly different, from our memories of what happened five minutes ago, to the reason we provide for marrying or hiring someone.

There’s also much of interest to people whose work involves studying groups or seeing the world in terms of groups. The chapter called “In-Groups and Out-Groups” isn’t news as much as it is confirmation of what you likely already know, and includes studies that support that:

“we find people more likable merely because we are associated with them in some way . . . . we also tend to favor in-group members in our social and business dealings, and we evaluate their work and products more favorably than we might otherwise, even if we think we are treating everyone equally” (168).

If you’re like me, you probably disagree with that last part. Part of why I don’t do a lot of reviews on vegan products like shoes and food and handbags, is that I am frequently disappointed. I like to buy from like-minded people (confirming the middle section of the quote), but if the quality/taste isn’t there, I won’t go back to them simply because they’re vegans. Mlodinow has evidence to support his claims, however, and we have no idea how I would behave had I participated in the studies he includes.

Here’s another intriguing tidbit . . .

“You may find it discouraging to hear that, even when group divisions are anonymous and meaningless, and even at their group’s own personal cost, people unambiguously choose to discriminate in favor of their in-group, rather than acting for the greatest good” (174).

I’ll leave that one without commentary.

The most pertinent discussion for Animal People has to do with climate change. And religion. I’ll let Mlodinow explain . . .

[Reputable organizations] plus a thousand academic articles on the topic were unanimous in concluding that human activity is responsible [for global climate change], yet in the United States more than half the people have managed to convince themselves that the science of global warming is not yet settled. Actually, it would be difficult to get all those organizations and scientists to agree on anything short of a declaration stating that Albert Einstein was a smart fellow, so their consensus reflects the fact that the science of global warming is very much settled. It’s just not good news. To a lot of people the idea that we are descended from apes is also not good news. So they have found ways to not accept that fact, either. (209).

The fact is that, as Herzog notes, presenting well-reasoned arguments doesn’t engender understanding for the other point of view. As Mlodinow writes, “we poke holes in evidence we dislike and plug holes in evidence we like,” and our conclusions support what we originally believed. We don’t follow evidence and make conclusions; we make conclusions and then find evidence.

I read books about our minds and our brains, and most of them don’t ever mention animals (this one does, but doesn’t address their rights) or veganism (there is one mention of a vegan cookbook author, though). And I read them because the way we make decisions and why we have the beliefs we have would seem crucial to designing or choosing strategies and tactics to reach the largest number of people and ultimately change their behavior.

But the more I learn about the human mind, the less I think we can create a plan, as plans usually make sense. And the way we make decisions often doesn’t. And most important, we think we know why we are doing things, and we can provide articulate explanations, but those explanations are often way off the mark.

I come back to the reality that our ironclad argument against using animals (and which I took great pains to outline in Thinking Critically About The Animals We Use) won’t have the desired effect for most people. But it might, for some. My intention was not to change what others think, but to change how they think. That might be a step in the right direction, or it might not. Similarly, Earthlings won’t have the desired effect for most people, but it might, for some. Herzog demonstrated that if slaughterhouses had glass walls, people would still eat animals.

Probably the only thing we can say for certain is that the more ways we create to reach other humans, the better the odds that we’ll reach more of them and change their behavior. So we must keep creating, and not ridicule those whose creations or ideas are different from ours. I’ve said it before . . . we need all hands on deck. We need all the help we can get. And the animals deserve all the help we can give them. The obstacle that is the unconscious is as close to insurmountable as any.

He’s 79 pounds of muscle, he sports a tuxedo, he’s got gorgeous teeth (a first for the hounds in our house) and he’s very shy. And afraid of men.

On the upside, he’s a mellow youngish guy (he turns four in March), he’s healthy, he loves to jog a couple of miles every morning and he’s great on the leash.

And he’s child friendly.

Violet Rays is not a kid dog. The neighborhood kids love her because she’s beautiful (“Where’s the tiger? We want to see the tiger!” they say when they come to the door on Halloween.) But we always tell them not to touch her unless she approaches them. Violet doesn’t want to be messed with, and if you mess with her she’ll growl. And if you keep messing with you she’ll bark and show you all eight of her teeth. No biting or scratching or even lunging, but still, it can be scary.

Violet’s a member of our family. So when we adopted a human baby we knew we’d have to teach that human to avoid Violet. And we’d have to be vigilant, as kids don’t always listen and do push boundaries. At no point would we consider having to rehome Violet. The growing little human in the house was basically taught to stay far away from dogs and respect their space. And she does.

Enter Stanley. We weren’t planning to adopt another . . . anyone . . . but a friend who volunteers for a rescue group told me of a greyhound event around the corner from my house. Maybe Violet wanted to say hi to those of her kind. If Violet can be said to love anyone, it’s other greyhounds. We went to the event and she was pretty indifferent after the first five minutes, but at one point she did rest her chin on Stanley’s back. There were 15 greyhounds in the small pet food store, and Violet and Stanley were equally uninterested in the event. Sky petted Stanley and he just stood there.

Stanley (not his racing name) was a successful racer who was fresh off the track. He had spent 3.5 years in a cage and knew nothing about a home and was never in a position to make a decision for himself. He’s since been making a lot of decisions and he’s enjoying himself and has even become a bit rowdy.

The best part about Stanley is that when he came to us he wouldn’t look us in the eye and his ears were pinned back (the above photo is from the day we met him). If you moved toward him, he’d move backward. Actually, if you did that today, he’s still move backward. But if I do it, he’s fine. At first, I’d have to chase him around the house with the leash and practically tackle him to get the collar over his head and then drag him through the house and outside. Now, once he hears “Let’s go!” or the leash and collar jingling, he comes running with his helicopter tail thwapping against the child’s face as she runs along side him.

Sky reads to Stanley. She sits next to him while he’s curled up on her bed and she “reads,” pointing things out to him and touching his paw or his head when she’s making important points. If he has one of her toys in his mouth and she doesn’t want him to, she takes it out of his mouth. That would not go over well with Violet, and Sky knows the difference. She knows that she must stay away from Violet but she can approach Stanley.

The child and the cat still have a special relationship. Emily isn’t tolerant of much. She swats first and asks questions later. But not with Sky. She’s patient and dare I say even loving. She’s almost cuddly when it comes to Sky and lets Sky hug her. Emily rubs her face on Sky’s.

Stanley, Emily, Violet and Sky are members of our family. When we adopted them we made a commitment to care for them for the rest of their lives. It’s not always easy and it can be pretty exhausting. I definitely don’t think adding any more creatures of any kind to the house would be a good idea. I have no idea how anyone has more than one human child.

This time of year, I worry about animals who are bought or adopted as gifts. Would you give someone the gift of a human baby for Christmas? Of course not; that’s serious business. It’s someone’s life (not to mention it wouldn’t be possible for oodles of reasons). Just the thought of it is appalling and insulting.

If all members of a family have agreed that adding a cat or dog to the family (through adoption, of course) is a good and timely idea, and everyone agrees about responsibilities regarding the care of the animal, having the timing of the adoption coincide with a birthday or holiday isn’t a problem. This assumes that everyone also agrees that the animal will be part of the family for life. But a puppy isn’t going to mend your relationship with your child any more than a child is going to mend your relationship with your partner. Adopting anyone isn’t about doing something for yourself or filling some kind of void; it’s about doing something for someone else. And it’s also not about making someone into who you want them to be; it’s about letting them be who they want to be (as long as no one is getting hurt!). We could have put Violet through training that would “break” her and make her into a better family dog. But she’s Violet because she’s an alpha dog who doesn’t need or want a lot of affection or fuss. She wants what she wants, and I see no reason why she can’t have her life as she wants it. It takes some work, but I committed to that work and I’m happy to do it.

If you want to give a life-long home to a homeless, domesticated animal and you are fully capable of doing so, fantastic! Please remember that puppies and kittens will likely live a lot longer than seniors, and they will likely cost more over their life time. Not to mention young animals are far more work than seniors. And if you’re likely to move or separate or some other dramatic change is going to occur, please consider that, as well. (Note to my neighbor who bought a bird who would live for 70 years – in a cage – when he was 40: You are unlikely to live to 110. Have you made arrangements for the bird?)

Nonhuman animals are very much like us, and that includes not wanting to be bumped from the home when a new creature arrives, and getting consistent love and care, and freedom from suffering, for the rest of their lives.

She has beaten the odds and made it another year.

The life expectancy of greyhounds is 12-15 years. If they’ve raced, you subtract a year for each year of racing. Violet Rays was a very successful competitor and the offspring of a Hall of Famer, and she made someone a lot of money, winning race after race for the two years she was hauled between Oregon and South Florida.

I’m told that her performance was likely enhanced by injectable steroids, which had the unfortunate effect of shutting down her pancreas and rendering her diabetic. Of course, that also rendered her defective and she was therefore immediately “discarded.” She was adopted immediately, but returned almost as quickly because the people didn’t realize how inconvenient diabetes can be. Violet was just under four-years old.

Diabetes shortens the life expectancy of human and nonhuman animals, by years. If we conservatively say that it would shave a year off Violet’s life, and add that year to the racing years, that puts her life expectancy at . . . 12. However, once you add in her going blind from cataracts (which we replaced), and her retinas detaching (one completely, one not), and her glaucoma and cornea issues, her life expectancy dwindles further. Then there’s her hideous gum disease that has left her few remaining teeth in bad shape but without much to do for them (the vets won’t touch them).

She’s our 62-pound miracle.

We spent the end of 2004 and beginning of 2005 getting fired by vet after vet. And the ones who didn’t fire us gave us the pleasure of firing them. The problem was that Violet’s diabetes wasn’t regulated and no one could get it regulated. She spent week after week at the vet, day in and day out. Violet shrank to 43 pounds. We’re fairly sure she was about to die, and that was after spending $10,000 trying to save her. Her head hung low. She didn’t look anyone in the eye. Her eyes were vacant.

And then I met an internist named Dr. Toll at a veterinary specialty hospital about two hours away. He told me to stop going to the vet because that’s what was killing Violet Rays. She needed to know that I was committed to her life and the way I would demonstrate that was to keep her by my side and regulate her myself, using the same glucometer and test strips people use. He charged me $120, and within a month Violet was gaining weight and full of life.

And though she’s had her minor obstacles and surgeries, she’s been in remarkable shape for eight years. She’s slowed down a lot. And by a lot, I mean during the summer sometimes she’d go outside only to relieve herself twice a day. And by outside, I mean ten feet into the backyard.

Now that it’s cooler (under 80 most days), she’s perked up and on Thanksgiving she even whizzed around a baseball field with her new brother Stanley (more on him later!) for 10 minutes. And at top speed for about half that time. She’s still got it, and it’s beautiful to watch.

Violet’s not too keen on food these days, which is problematic for a diabetic because the insulin dose is contingent upon the amount of food consumed. And the dose can’t fluctuate by more than one unit at a time, therefore getting her to eat a whole meal is important. Unfortunately, Violet doesn’t like her vegan food or most other food, but will eat food that smells terrible for some reason. So I went through bag by bag of everything at our small pet health food store until I found the perfect combination of dead animals and their parts.

We do what we must.

For the past couple of months I’ve been saying that I’d be the happiest person in the galaxy if Violet Rays made it to winter and her 12th birthday. But now, of course, I want more.

Whatever Violet wants is the priority, though. She’s weak and tired and she should be! We had a rough start, but she’s had seven-plus years of vibrant life. She runs when she wants to run, she sunbathes when she wants and for as long as she wants, and she loves riding in the car so much that I take her around the neighborhood a few times a week just to see how delighted she is. And recently, she has allowed Baby Sky to sit next to her and gently touch her face. I couldn’t ask for more than that.

Happy Birthday Violet Rays! Mommy loves you!

Saturday was the one-year anniversary of the tragic death of my Charles Hobson Booger, III and it got me thinking about how easy he was to love. Everyone loved him. Okay, not everyone. There was that little Westie whose vulva he bit early on. Yes, vulva. No stitches, no puncture, but still a nasty bruise and some scratches. Charles had a higher prey drive than he appeared to have at first. No playing with little white dogs, which isn’t uncommon for greyhounds. We just had to work with him and manage him and we were happy to do so.

As for people, Charles loved everyone and was very enthusiastic to meet someone new. He was 85 pounds (large for a greyhound), very muscular (odd for a greyhound) and spectacularly gorgeous, with Pharaoh Hound-like ears. Easy to love.

And as much as I miss him, this post isn’t about Charles. Nor is it about Violet Rays, who is still with us at nearly 12-years old. She’s an insulin-dependent diabetic who can hardly see (she had cataracts which we replaced, but then her retinas started to detach and we didn’t catch them in time) and has very few teeth due to severe gum disease (greyhound breeders and trainers don’t take care of the teeth of the hounds, as that’s not where the money is). She has definitely slowed down, but she looks great and has perked up a bit now that it’s regularly under 90 degrees and the humidity decreases by the week.

Violet’s stunning, and that’s what everyone notices first and comments on. But she’s not really keen on anyone and isn’t at all social. People like her because she’s beautiful. Violet doesn’t want to be touched unless she comes to you or you approach her very carefully and ask permission. She’s not snuggly. She doesn’t follow me from room to room (that was Charles’ job), and she barely lifts her head when I walk in the door (as opposed to Charles, who’d come running). She doesn’t want Sky to come that close to her and she’s no fan of Emily the kitty.

I wouldn’t say Violet loves unconditionally.

And none of that matters, because Violet doesn’t exist to boost my self-esteem. We adopted Violet to give her a safe and loving home. She had already been returned by people who didn’t want to deal with her diabetes because it was inconvenient for them. And it is inconvenient.

Now that I have a child, I can safely say that children are very, very inconvenient. Far more than a diabetic greyhound. But you love them and they’re part of your family and returning them would be unthinkable. You do what’s necessary for them because they deserve the best chance at a great life, and if they never thank you that shouldn’t matter.

What you do for them isn’t contingent upon what they give you in return.

And the same should be true for nonhuman animals. They shouldn’t have to be beautiful, perfectly behaved, healthy and wanting a human as the center of their universe for them to be deserving of a good life.

—-

No greyhounds were forced to race in the above photo. They were actually cooling down by walking at their leisure after playing in the adjacent field.

Where does she get her protein?

How are her bones going to grow without cow’s milk?

You mean she’s never eaten bacon?

Are you a communist?

At Baby Sky’s 15 month checkup she landed at about the 75th percentile for height and weight. She comes from small stock, so I do see that decreasing a bit. It’s already down from the 90th percentile. She was a gigantic baby!

She has been sick twice, once with a viral infection and once with a bacterial one (strep). We’ve been fortunate enough to have avoided the dreaded first trip to the emergency room, which is a tad surprising because the child is a fearless, avid explorer with a lot of energy. A lot.

Her nutrition came from Earth’s Best organic soy formula for the first year, and since then she’s been eating non-baby food supplemented by a bottle of Baby’s Only organic soy formula (designed for toddlers and can be used until age 3). I use half water and half organic carrot juice and organic apple juice. I made some pureed food for her for a couple of months but she wasn’t really that interested and I was a bit concerned until after her first birthday, when she decided to eat everything.

Her favorite breakfast? A plate of strawberries, watermelon, cantaloupe, blueberries and peaches, followed by banana ice cream. Banana ice cream = frozen bananas + ground flax seeds + raw cashew butter + raw almond butter + almond milk + Vita Mix. Plenty of fat, protein, omega-3s and yumminess. I eat it, too. Saturday morning is pancake morning. Spelt, oat bran, whole wheat, coconut flour. Blueberries and bananas. Or not. Maybe even some 80% dark chocolate (slavery-free, care of Equal Exchange–Panama’s the kind we get). Of course she eats a bunch of batter first, then a couple of pancakes.

Her favorite lunch? Vegetable hummus + avocado on whole wheat pita bread. Dessert? Brown rice pudding (brown rice + a warm mixture of toffuti cream cheese, tofu and coconut butter). Her favorite snack? Roasted zucchini sprinkled with Daiya in a pool of marinara. She’ll eat an entire zucchini. She loves kale chips. Ditto for vanilla soy yogurt. Steel cut oats? Yummy. Snow balls are a huge favorite (ground organic raisins, dates, almond and walnuts rolled in shredded coconut). As far as drinks go, she has one that looks and tastes similar to chocolate milk, made with almond milk and chocolate-flavored Amazing Grass Kidz Superfood. And then there’s “fruit punch,” or, orange juice + water + the wildberry Kidz Superfood. She doesn’t walk around drinking straight wheat grass–Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Dinner? Sweet potatoes with navy beans. Garbanzo bean salad, mashed a bit (her molars are still giant blisters). Any kind of gardein, chopped, with sauteed asparagus, is always a great meal. Smoothies, complete with orange juice, raw fruits, raw nut butters and a handful of kale. Delicious!

On the non-food green front, we used cloth diapers and then practiced Elimination Communication since month 10, and Baby Sky now pees and poops in her potty and doesn’t wear a diaper except at night (and that’s probably about to change). She’s napping right now, diaper free. During the diaper months, rather than wipes, I used receiving blankets cut up into smallish squares and a squirt bottle of water. We still use the cut up blankets as rags/in place of paper towels.

The toy rule is pretty much: Little or no plastic and no batteries. She has a lot of wood toys and I’m queasy about where the wood came from, so that’s not ideal. Otherwise, her room looks very sparse. And yellow. Very yellow (we used a no VOC paint, at least). But that’s another story.

For a short time, Sky slept in a crib (secondhand, from a neighbor) with a (new) coconut coir mattress, but now she sleeps on a full size futon on the floor (formerly of one of the guest rooms upstairs–so no purchase necessary!). It’s a Montessori thing. And let me be the first one to say that bassinetts and cribs are a complete waste of money; all you need is a mattress on the floor and some firm pillows surrounding it (for the early months).

Sky doesn’t have a lot of stuff and I don’t have a lot of gear. She spends most of her time outside, naked (it’s still nearly 90 degrees here), exploring the world. She has very few pieces of clothing (and most are secondhand) and many of her books and toys are secondhand (and we had to weed through them for animal use). There are several girls a bit older than Sky on the block who give us lots of goodies. And there’s one younger. The younger one gets the loot as soon as that’s appropriate, and/or I donate them to the local Foster and Adoptive Parents Association.

So far, no one has been interested in trying cloth diapers, and stores won’t take them, so if anyone has any need for them, speak now before they become rags!

Sky’s days wouldn’t be complete without her constant companion, Emily Fokker (our chunky FIP kitty). They follow each other around all day and rub their faces on each other. It’s adorable! Violet Rays, being nearly 12 and nearly blind, isn’t as keen on the child. Or any other child. Or the cat. Or anyone else, for that matter. I think she likes me but that’s about it. Plus, only the trained eye would be able to determine that she likes me.

I mention this because all too often people surrender their dogs–or even cats–once they have children. I’ll refrain from ranting. But what I will say is that you work at it. I have taught Sky to stay away from Violet. If Violet approaches her Sky may touch her, but only with one finger. Sky gives her a wide berth when she walks around her, and yes, it’s a bummer that Sky is a little afraid of dogs. But that’s far better than Sky not respecting them and then having them feel they must defend themselves. The most Violet will do is bark and show her four teeth, but trust me when I say that her boney, old, alpha self can make a grown man jump in fear when she wants to, all without ever laying a paw on him.

There you have it: a rough sketch of Baby Sky’s life. If you have any questions about anything we do or use, fire away! No matter what your beliefs are, when you’re a parent you educate yourself about parenting style, nutrition (and Ginny Messina‘s fabulous Vegan for Life recently arrived and includes nutrition information as well as sample menus for kids!) and formal education options (if you’re lucky enough to have options). I may be a vegan and an atheist, but I’m really just a parent doing the best I can to give my child the best life possible.

But what I do is “imposing” or “forcing” veganism and atheism on my child. It’s not parenting; it’s considered behavior that’s irresponsible at best, and abusive at worst.

As far as atheism goes, I’d rather my child have a healthy skepticism that is fact driven and science driven. I’d rather stress personal responsibility and the realistic notion that life isn’t fair and owes you nothing. And that we have the ability to change our lives and circumstances (and that that is a statement of privilege). You know what would be irresponsible? For me to tell my daughter that there’s some invisible being who, if he desires, can control anything in the universe he wants to control. Including her life. That she needs to respect that being, or else. Or even worship that being, who may or may not exist. That she might suffer tremendously in her life, and that the Being With Ultimate Power is actually doing her a favor by making her suffer. By choosing her to suffer in the manner in which she suffers. He has his reasons.

My parents did their best to raise my sister and me. They did nothing controversial and my sister and I grew up more or less just like most of our friends on suburban Long Island. We were presented with animals to eat and wear. We ate and wore them. We were presented with animal bodies to celebrate over at holidays. Animal skin to wear on our feet.

When my husband and I first adopted Baby Sky, several friends and relatives asked, “are you going to make her be a vegan? And what happens if she decides to eat meat later on?” Essentially, my parents made me eat and wear dead animals. I grew up respecting dogs and cats, but not other animals. Animals existed for my entertainment in zoos, water parks and at circuses. It wasn’t in the consciousness of my parents that the values they were transmitting were marked by disrespect for others. They were simply raising us as best they could within the mainstream culture.

One could also say, however, that they were imposing their beliefs on us. They were forcing us to be consumers of animal exploitation industries. I’m not sure if it technically takes a level of intent to force or impose beliefs, or if you can do it by default by not offering other options or not encouraging critical thinking. Saying, “we eat animals, because that’s what we do” may make no sense whatsoever, but it’s the reason many people continue to eat animals. To do or think otherwise, to acknowledge the absence of logic or empathy in that reasoning, is to open a door that cannot be closed, regardless of the behavior that follows.

When I was in my teens, I told my dad (who was driving the Catholic bus, while mom drove the bus headed toward Buddhism) that I wasn’t going to go to church until girls could be priests. I’d been thinking about the set-up of The Church and didn’t like it. I had good reasons, which were listed, listened to and respected, and I stopped going to church. And when I discovered what animals went through on their way to becoming our meals, I made appropriate changes in that direction as well.

I’m raising my daughter with a clear, stated ethic: Respect other beings, as no one exists for your benefit. I’m forcing that on her just as much as the omnivores next door are forcing their ethics on their children, through their words and deeds.

It’s transmission of a culture that I’m proud of.

If Sky reaches her teens and decides that animals do indeed exist for our benefit, and that there is a god whom she’d like to worship (and furthermore, that her name is spelled Skye), we’ll deconstruct those notions together and she will do what she will do. But I won’t feel like I had done her a disservice by raising her with a heart for justice and a mind for inquiry.