On Birthdays and Atrocious Christmas Gifts
This photo is from several years ago, shortly after we moved into our new house and my cousin was visiting with his wife and son for his birthday. I bought the candles that don’t blow out and didn’t read the package carefully (or, um at all). Rather than putting one or two on the cake, all 38 candles were of the can’t-blow-out variety, and we had to run through the house out back to douse the flaming cake with a hose. (That’s me in my PJs holding the cake–at a safe distance.)
Happy Birthday to me!
Yes, 41 years ago, at 10:08 pm (and by the way 1008 is considered a sacred number second only in importance to 108, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice), I came into this world to make it hell for my parents.
My rising sign is Leo and my moon is in Aries, which makes me a triple fire sign, hence all the, shall we say, intensity I sometimes exhibit.
If you’re interested in getting a reading, and some of you have already written me about this, Jyotish (Sanskrit for "the science of light") is the system that I swear by. It’s Vedic Astrology and very different in my experience from western astrology (and you may even be a different sign!) and it’s bizarrely accurate. It’s been around for over 5,000 years with people setting up their lives (food, meditation, exercise, corrective remedies) to maximize their innate advantages and minimize their disadvantages, largely through Ayurveda and the making of strategic life choices.
I might not believe in a God/creator, but I certainly believe that there is an order that we cannot directly seen but that can be seen with the right tools. I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe that we each have inner tools (including karma) that direct us in specific directions, and we can either work with or against those tools. I’ve seen all of this work first hand, and in fact I have landed exactly where I am supposed to be on my 41st birthday (and that’s good, by the way). I am most fortunate.
As for atrocious Christmas gifts, a girlfriend who has stopped eating meat and is now trying to rid her diet of dairy and a lot of animal skin, received an impeccably-timed gift of an envelope full of photos of animals that a friend bought in her name through Oxfam or Heifer International (she was so distraught telling me the story I couldn’t get the name out of her).
She was completely unhinged, as she has recently embarked on a journey of nonviolence and justice for nonhuman animals and this "gift" couldn’t have come at a worse time. Or a better time, as it gives her the opportunity to shift someone else’s perception regarding animals.
Now here’s the rub: the sender is shockingly evolved and you’d never, ever think such an unconscious gift would come from such a conscious person. What is my friend to do? Nothing? A letter? Wait a bit and then send a letter? Send a thanks, but no thanks card?
Any suggestions?
Happy Birthday, Mary! That’s hilarious about the cake. Glad it worked out for the best.
That really sucks about your friend. You mentioned the word karma in your entry today, and the only karma I believe in is the kind of karma that led your friend to receive that atrocious gift: past actions causing possible future consequences in this life. If she changed her views a year earlier, her friend may have known that this would not be a good gift.
Anyway, I would just be honest about it. I would tell the friend that I very much appreciate the thoughtfulness and realize that the gift cannot be “returned”, but that I’ve completely changed my views about our treatment of animals, and here is my gift to you to explain a little about why [present favorite book or writing that most influenced her to change her views along with maybe another gift that the person would be “more interested” in].
Personally I would go with a non-response to the inappropriate gift. But I tend to err on the side of inter-personal politeness.
Hi Mary –
Happy birthday! Have you ever been interested in or studied evolutionary astrology. I don't know much about vedic astrology, but evolutionary astrology focuses on the journey of our soul, i.e. giving us clues about our past (things we need to let go of) and pointing us in the direction of our true path (what we need to reach for in this lifetime). Just thought I'd put it out there in case you're interested.
Regarding your friend, I have to agree with Dan. I am of the belief that your friend was given that gift for a reason, and addressing the giver with honesty, sincerity, and an open heart is the best way for her to speak her truth to her friend.
Good luck!!!
Happy Birthday Mary! Hope you have a truly wonderful day! You deserve it!
Thank you for all that you do for animals and for taking the time every day to inform us on different issues, as well as offering your insightful thoughts.
Regarding your friend and the gift she received…well, I guess it all depends on what type of person her friend is. I am the type who would not be offended at all if someone told me that my gift was not in line with their newly found beliefs (I would appreciate the honesty and openness). However, not everyone is me. There are people who can become quite offended and easily hurt. You say that the sender is an evolved and conscious person, so maybe that person would actually appreciate being made aware and informed about how your friend feels about Oxfam/Heifer. Maybe this person just never saw it from the perspective that those animals are being exploited. On the other hand, if there is any reason for your friend to feel the sender is the type of person that might become upset over it, then maybe I think she could always just let her friend know sometime down the road that her feelings have changed about animals, and maybe confronting her on the gift at this particular moment in time is not the best way to go about it.