The Animal Person Minute: When Husbands Disappoint
(For security reasons I have deleted the photo, and I accidentally took a whole paragraph with it! Sorry.)
Last year, I wrote of my search for the perfect car for greyhounds and their vegan mommy, and I ended up with the Honda Element, which I couldn’t be happier with. Shortly thereafter, I wrote that my husband’s lease would soon be up, and I wanted to provide him with options that didn’t have leather interior. There’s a BMW 5 series something or other, the Audi A4, but not the A4 Quattro or Avant (and the A4 is probably too small for him), and a couple of Mercedes Benzes.
Dave is in the unfortunate position of liking nice cars–and even knowing something about them. In addition, he’s in a business where image is very important (he manages money, while playing golf apparently. Not sure how that happens.). So how did he end up with the Lexus GS 350 rather than any of the cars I spent weeks researching? Here’s part of the problem: he is a great candidate for leasing, as he works five miles from the house, maintains his car, and is tired of it within three years. And when you lease, you don’t have the options you have when you buy. Translation? You take what’s on the lot. And he didn’t want anything on the lot.
The point pf the story is he comes home with this gorgeous car that’s filled with the skin of dead cows (Lexus doesn’t even have a skinless option). And I think that’s creepy, not to mention not in alignment with his new belief that eating animals isn’t right (inside our house, and almost always outside, he doesn’t consume animal products). I couldn’t have been more disappointed.
I wasn’t going to write about this, after all, it’s not exactly kind to blog about this episode. But my mother, of all people, whose partner is a meat eater and she is not, said that it’s helpful to learn about how others deal with partners who disappoint. It’s probably not to helpful that I initially said something like: I hate you and I want a divorce, but I quickly got over it and tried to focus on the positive. What positive you ask? Everything else he’s been doing.
I’ve always said that Dave has a boundless capacity for transformation. He learns about something, and if he needs to change his life because of what he learned–poof–he changes his life. He admits when he’s wrong, he still doesn’t ask for directions when he drives, which doesn’t matter now that he has his stylin’ GPS system, but he does ask for direction and input in life, and he always seriously considers that input.
He just isn’t ready to do everything that would make him a vegan rather than simply someone who doesn’t eat animals. But rather than berate him, I should express my feelings about what he does and what I’d like to see him do, and move on to something more productive.